Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
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