i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
