Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
