someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
