Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
