I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
