went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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