hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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