Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize