Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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