Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
