is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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