your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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