I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
