apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
tequila makes me forget i have legs
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
