the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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