IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
