After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
