i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
