I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize
