yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
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