im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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