I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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