I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You were trust falling into bushes
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize