How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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