I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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