I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
