If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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