operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
