Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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