Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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