I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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