Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
