I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
