a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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