be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
We need to get me chipped asap
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
