Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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