i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize