shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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