I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
