i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
