So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
