I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize