I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
