My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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