I wish I could teleport
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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