Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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