I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
