I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
im six kinds of drunk right now
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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