so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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