i jhust puked up my retainher.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
