Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
