He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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