I must be too annoying 4 u.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
