Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
