I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize