i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
