No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She even gives head with a lisp.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
