all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize