is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
