Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
accomplished twins. life is a go
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
