Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
