i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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