I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
No subtext here. People are naked.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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