guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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