that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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