i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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