Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
