I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
