was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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