so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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