I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
