it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
