HIV tests are more positive than that guy
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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