I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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