Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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