She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
