I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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