mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
