no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
