Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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