He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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