i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
