i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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