i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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