he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
How external is "for external use only"?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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