I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
