What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
